Fooling my selfish heart
by Unflavored
Summary: Losing Angie meant a lot to Brooke. She was as lonely as ever. Lucas was there and he felt so powerless around her. Lucas' heart belonged to someone else; he would never be the man standing beside her and her family. Brooke needed to make him go.


_**Disclaimer:**__ Mark owns some lines of this fan fiction – the ones in italic mostly - (I think he is ok with me borrowing them just a little), the sequel from it it's all my imagination! I do not own any of the characters or OTH for that matter. _

_**A/N:**__ This one-shot takes place in season 5, just when Brooke sends little Angie back home. I know it's been a while since this episode was aired, but I really had this story stuck in my brain and I had to let it out p it's Brucas implied, of course. I hope you like it. _

_Please, review, I really want to know what you think about the story and if I'm getting through you all. Thanks!_

_Special thanks for those who are reviewing my other two stories, thank you so much, you make me want to write more and more! Also, thanks to _**Lou**_ who read before I decide to post it here, and _**Lucca**_ and _**Cibele**_ for their support. 3_

**X x X**

**Fooling my selfish heart**

_Brooke walked towards him. Her eyes were teary. He had a sympathetic smile on._

"_You've got my message. I told you no__t to come." Her voice was cracking._

"_I know."__ He said without a beat._

"_She is gone, Luke." She let her tears fall down._

"_I know." He sighed._

Lucas placed his hand on the back of Brooke's head, pulling her close to him. She grabbed his arms crying really hard. And without having any second thoughts, she let herself get lost in his embrace. She cried wrapping her arms around him with such strength that she thought she'd divide him in two. The tears wouldn't stop streaming down her face, the tears she held in for so long, since she came back to Tree Hill. Handing Angie away was like losing the one thing that was keeping her sane. The little girl was part of her dreams, part of this new world she had created to protect herself from everything and everyone, she was Angie's and the little girl was hers. At that point, Brooke didn't need anything else, she was blinded by the amusement of being a parent, and, even though she was aware she couldn't keep her forever, coming back to reality wasn't what the young woman had expected just yet.

The brunette closed her eyes tight, trying to suppress her loud sobs; she rested her head on Lucas' chest, breathing heavily. She couldn't imagine it would hurt so much. She was aware of how much pain she could take, but this was different. All the other times Brooke'd had her heart broken, it was someone else's fault - Lucas or Peyton, she could add - but losing Angie was completely different, she didn't do anything, she was just gone. _People always leave,_ she could hear Peyton's sentence echoing inside her mind. But this time, it was nobody's fault. It was just life. But then again, it wasn't supposed to be like that. Not so painful.

Lucas ran his hands through her dark hair and sighed, wishing he could take her pain away. He leaned his head on top of hers. "You will be ok." he said almost in a whisper, trying to convince not only her but himself too. It was really hard for him not having the right words to say. Especially when it came to mend Brooke's feelings. He couldn't stand watching her so fragile and vulnerable. To him, she was the strongest woman he'd ever known. She had this amazing spark following her around; she would glow all the time, even when she was at her worst he could see the brightness in her. He was mesmerized by her in every single way. Lucas inhaled deeply, feeling the warmth of Brooke's scent making its way inside of him. He shut his eyes closed, trying to regain the confidence to speak again. He was dazzled by her innocent presence, and at the moment, he couldn't understand why.

"Come on, lets get out of here." he placed his arms around her shoulders, "You need a chocolate cookie ice cream." he caressed her cheeks gently with his thumb. "It always cheers Jamie up." He smiled.

Brooke forced a smile in return at his attempt to lighten her mood, "Thanks, Luke. But I really want to go home." she said sincerely between her tears.

"Oh, ok." he was understanding, "Only if I come with you." he added, staring at her. Lucas's eyes were pleading.

The young woman was surprised, she sighed and nodded. "But you don't have to do this, you know? I'm fine."

"I don't have to, but I _want_ to." he placed his arms around her again and kissed her forehead, "You are my friend, Brooke. And friends take care of each other." He pledged, touching the tip of her noise with his fingertip. They smiled halfheartedly at each other.

Lucas placed his hands around her shoulders while she put her arms around his waist, they left the airport.

**X x X**

Brooke opened her door. And as soon as she walked in, she noticed the purple monkey she had bought to Angie, placed on the floor. She bent down and picked it up with a sad look in her eyes. She sighed, patting the stuffed animal. "I didn't see it falling down..." her voice came out almost with no sound.

Lucas stepped in and closed the door behind them. He was still speechless; he didn't remember having so much difficulty cheering Brooke up before. He remained in silence.

The young woman walked towards her couch, she sat, holding the purple monkey in her arms. Lucas sat beside her. "She will always remember you, Brooke." He finally said, "I know she was little and all, but I'm sure she will know she owes her life to you." he added softly, "You should hold on to that."

Brooke nodded slightly. She knew that, and even if she didn't, everyone kept telling the same thing over and over again. Not that she'd complain about it, she was indeed very thankful to have their support. But what they wouldn't understand was that losing Angie meant a lot more to her, not only because she was going to miss the little girl to death, but mostly 'cause now she had to face everything again. She had to start over, from the beginning, and it pretty much scared her. She was, once more, feeling as lonely as ever. And that was exactly what she was trying to run from when she left New York. But now, it was all coming back to her. It was just too much. She was postponing the rebuilt of her life for a while now, and the thought of having to deal with it now, was frightening.

She let a few tears run free down her face. She'd been crying the whole way home, and she was so tired. She couldn't remember it was this exhausting to cry. She didn't feel like talking anymore. Lucas kept her close as she leaned her head on his shoulder, it felt so nice, Brooke closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. It reminded her the night Lucas stayed over helping her with the baby and her sketches. She couldn't help but smile, she held on to that memory, it brought her comfort and she really needed that by now. "Thank you, Lucas." She whispered with her eyes still closed, "It means a lot to me that you came by today. I'm not sure if I could hold it together if you weren't with me."

_Tongue-__tied_. Once again, Brooke had him in that place. The brunette had the power to amaze him. Just like that, she would say things he didn't know how to respond to. She always knew exactly the right word to hit him - in a good or bad way - he felt so powerless around her, and couldn't even realize that until right now. Until the very moment he was holding her against his chest, smelling her vanilla perfume, feeling her soft skin wrapped on him. He could feel his heart beating fast, it was unpredictable, he tried to focus on something else, but listening to Brooke's words and feeling them so connected to each other again was making him anxious.

Brooke felt as if she had been hit by a car, she was suddenly worn out, she'd stopped crying. The brunette found herself in a relaxed position, her body fit perfectly near Lucas', her right hand was wrapped around his waist and she had leaned her head from his shoulder all the way to his chest. It wouldn't help keeping her awake if Lucas was stroking her hair so gently. She let go of a few sighs.

Lucas didn't even realize when he started running his fingers through the young woman's hair. But it seemed right. He stretched his legs carefully on top of the center table, making sure Brooke wouldn't move. It was nice being able to hold her again, with no awkwardness around them whatsoever. He leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes.

**X x X**

They were asleep. Both still holding each other. Lucas had his right hand rested on Brooke's back, while her hands were still locked up around him.

Brooke shifted to the side, and with that movement she woke up. She felt a little embarrassed at first, when she noticed she was holding Lucas, she backed away a little. Lucas moved his hand free from the woman's back, and suddenly she stared at him hoping he'd wake up too. But he didn't. Lucas only sighed, not moving a bit. She couldn't help but smiled at the sight of him. She'd forgotten how handsome he looked like, she traced with her eyes all the spots of his face, the drawing of his mouth, the shape of his nose, even how his eyelashes would curled up a little under his eyes. She kept admiring him as if she was seeing that blond man for the very first time. She held her hand up high almost touching his face, but really quick she changed her mind and moved her hand away. She shook her head in disbelief and sat straight placing both hands over her head. Not even one day without Angie and she was already losing it. She ran her hands through her messy hair avoiding looking at Lucas again.

It didn't take long until he was also awake. They smiled at each other a few times uncomfortably.

"I guess we napped." Brooke tilted her head to the side, while placing on elbow on her knees. She rested her head on her hand.

"I'm sure we did." Their eyes met.

Brooke quickly broke the eye contact between them, and stood up steeply, walking away from the couch. Lucas sheepishly ran a hand through his short hair. The silence created by their awkwardness was now unbearable. It was odd how they could jump from being really comfortable with one and another to an inconvenient situation like that, where they could barely look at each other, let alone say something.

"They're supposed to call me." Brooke said abruptly glancing at the phone. She walked towards it picking it up.

Lucas followed her with his eyes. He had no idea what she was talking about, and she could perfectly see that by the look upon his face.

"To let me know Angie was fine." She added explaining.

Lucas nodded considering. "I'm sure she'll be." he forced a smile.

Brooke sighed; she was playing with the phone's antenna with her free hand. She looked down and then turned her head to peer at his face.

"This is awkward, isn't it?" she sighed again, "I mean, _us_ –" Brooke waved her hand at him and quickly back to her, "This whole, _supporting_ thing."

Lucas' eyes widened with her announcement, but he chuckled afterwards and stood up walking near her, so they'd be face to face. "It doesn't have to be, right?" he placed his hands on her shoulders. Lucas' green eyes were locked on hers.

Brooke felt intimidated and suddenly draw back from him, but he tightened his grip on her shoulders without necessarily meaning to. At this moment, she knew she had to look away from him; she turned her head to the side avoiding eye contact.

She stood there for a moment, trying to find a word to fit the feeling overcoming her_._ The brunette was used to hid her emotions from everyone, especially from Lucas, that now she was afraid that somehow he could read the truth. "Right." It was all she could think of, the word came with a whisper.

"Come on, Brooke. We've done this before –" Lucas placed his hand carefully on the girl's chin so she would turn her face and look at him, "We were great being friends, remember?"

Brooke giggled nervously shoving, finally, his hands away from her, "Yeah. Can't say the same about the whole dating part." She rolled her eyes, faking a casual tone; she sat back on the couch. It had been a long time since Lucas had made her sonervous.

Lucas sighed heavily, "Well, we had great sex…" he teased.

She gave him a dirty look, "I am _always_ great with that part." She winked smiling. Was he being _flirty_? Why would he? Brooke could feel her heart beat accelerating. _This wasn't happening_. Million of thoughts started to pop inside her head at once.

Somehow her words made Lucas blush. He avoided looking straight at her for a few seconds. He never forgot how beautiful she was, but right now, looking at the stunning brunette, brought him back memories from the past. From the time she was his. She had that same goofy smile placed on her lips, and how much have he missed her smile, the sight of her adorable dimple.

Despite the tension, they both were glad that there wasn't a heavy shadow surrounding them anymore. But they were going way too far. They _knew_ that. Brooke needed to make him go away. She was too vulnerable to continue this conversation, he was being nice - too nice - and she was feeling lonely. That couldn't end up so well. Plus, there were Lindsey, _and _Peyton. Brooke shook her hair trying to make her thoughts stop pressuring her into doing something. Lucas couldn't quite figure it out what he was feeling at that point. He didn't know if he was like that because of what had happened with Lindsey or because he was still in love with Brooke. What about Peyton? What was he doing? Lucas felt as lost as ever. He wasn't ready to make a decision; in fact, there was no decision to be made. Brooke wasn't in love with him. He'd lost his chance six years ago. And he was certainly aware of that.

Brooke bit her under lip; she spotted the purple monkey on the floor, beside her left foot. She took it in her hands placing the toy on her lap. Suddenly all the confusion started to settle down inside of her. She had fought against her feeling towards Lucas for far too long, and strangely, the sight of that purple monkey remembered her why. Lucas' heart belonged to someone else; he would never be the man standing beside her. He could not be this man anymore.

"I need to get going." Lucas glanced at his watch, obviously faking an appointment or something "Are you going to be ok? I can stop later if you –" he regretted deciding to leave almost instantly.

She cut him off realizing he'd changed his mind. "No. It's OK, Luke. I'll be fine, I promise." she smiled sighing in relief. He definitely couldn't come back _or _stay for all she cared. Later would be night and so much harder for her to control herself. Plus _Peyton_ would be there, and by now Brooke had enough amounts of awkward moments for the whole week.

Lucas nodded in agreement. "Just call me if you need anything." he walked towards the door. "Is Peyton going to be here, right?"

"Yeah, I didn't tell her about Angie leaving today –" she paused by the sound of Angie's name, then added, "But she will be here soon enough, so you don't need to worry, mister." she smiled.

"_Just call me when she is home safe, ok?" __he turned his back at her to open the door._

"_Hey, Luke." She called him back._

They made eye contact, this time neither of them turned away. It was unbelievably comfortable.

"_We'__ve been through a lot… me and you. But I wouldn't have made it through today or a couple of other days without you. So, thanks." _

"_You're welcome." he was thankful for her words._

_Brooke stretched her arms so she would give him the stuffed animal she was holding. Lucas walked to get it from her. _

"_This is for you." She smiled._

_Lucas held the purple monkey and stared at it feeling emotional._

"_I love you, Lucas Scott. You know that?" Brooke turned her head to peer at him. _

_Lucas stared at her fondly. "I love you too, Brooke Davis."_

**X x X**

Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing the whole thing! Reviews are very much appreciated!


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